Friday, October 3, 2008

To Sarah Palin: Your Stock is Much More Valuable Now

69 Million people tuned in to see the VP debate. 69 Million. About a third more than the Presidential debate.

Now, as much as I love Joe Biden and those intense eyes and that infectious smile, I am 100% certain those numbers were due to the phenomena that is Mrs. Palin. 69 Million. How many people tuned in to see the Super Bowl, the Oscars, the presidential debates of the past? (I actually don't have the numbers in front of me, thus the rhetorical posture).

69 Million!

This number is insane, which led me to craft a rather hurried note to Mrs. Palin.

Dear Mrs. Palin,
Your stock is at an all time high, much higher than it will be 3 months from now and surely a year from now. And given our dire economic state, anyone who owns stock with real value and better yet, stock that is rising and peaking, must do (and are doing) the only sensible thing - SELL.

And so, Mrs Palin, my message to you is to Sell your stock. sell sell sell. What does that mean? A few things -

First, bow out gracefully. Yes, you've milked this VP thing for all it's worth, now it's time to exit and make some real cash. Sell your stock! VP's don't make a lot of money and there are severe limitations on what you can make. It just isn't worth it. And let's face it, McCain will completely diminish your role.

I'm pretty certain that if you left the race prior to the elections, your stock will rise further - if only for the sheer curiosity and shock factor. Now, with that elevated stock price, you could guarantee (yes, GUARANTEE) a first year income of at least
$10 Million. $10 Million! Far more than a VP salary.

How will that $10 Million figure be reached you ask? Well, there are the customary money makers - The tell all book, The tell all magazine spread, The tell all speeches (you see the pattern). Not to mention what your daughter and husband could garner. Oh! And you could make a few guest appearances on Saturday Night Live, Dave Letterman, Ellen (that would be exciting).

Well, you get the point.
$10 Million... guaranteed.

But, Mrs. Palin, you must exit prior to the election and do so in spectacular fashion.

Get that money!

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